Dating you is “Illegal”

After the past two encounters, I was sure I had to change my approach on Tinder. I decided to change my information to one line. “Friends, no hookups or relationships”. I thought it was pretty straight forward. I also started seriously reading every single profile before I even consider replying to people.

I came across this guy’s profile that caught my eye. He is a researcher and I used to be one. I thought we will definitely have very intense conversations about science and engineering and decided to reply to him. We talked about ourselves and I mentioned I have done research before. He was super excited to meet a girl that was into research. I am pretty sure that excitement masked the moment I casually told him I was not really single. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like gray areas but I got pushed into one and I did not have control of it. I didn’t have a definite status. Legally married it’s to harsh to say versus single or divorced. I wasn’t even separated, my soon to be ex was my roommate.

After I got done from work, I texted the researcher. I was intrigued and anxious to know more about his research and about his culture. He is originally from India. Those who know me well know how much I love meeting people from different countries. He suggested we have dinner at Mill Avenue, to which I agreed.

I was nervous because that was the first time it felt like this was going to be a real date. Also because I had to come straight from work and I did not have time to put makeup on. And I loooooooooooove makeup. It makes me feel good. But I got over that.

I got to the restaurant to finally meet him, he acts like a gentleman. Waits for me outside, respectfully greeted me with a handshake, which I totally appreciated. We walked inside, choose a table and started talking. Everything was perfectly fine until he asked me why was I single. I told him I was not officially single and I could see it in his face how it was too much for him to take in. He grabs my hand and I immediately changed the topic. Needless to say, that was a little awkward.

We continued talking for about three hours. To this day I still believe it was one of the best first dates.

We continued talking and texting during the week. We planned to go on a walk on the park. We talked, walked, hold hands, made out. Everything was perfect! Except for the fact that he seem paranoid of people seeing us together. I asked him why he was acting so strange to what he proceeded to say “People might see us and you are still married”.

Suddenly I thought how unfair was, given my situation, to be the one whose “wrongdoing” because I’m legally married. Not only talking about this guy, but in general, society allows for double standards. To who don’t know, my ex husband was in an emotional relationship with another girl (all online, mind you) and ended up moving in with her. But for some unknown reason it’s not ok for me to be going out on a date. On top of that, I’m the one making him paranoid. Well, excuse me for trying to not hold on to something that is obviously not there and moving on with my life.

The rest of the date went great. Couple of days later, I received text messages from the guy saying that it was illegal for him to date a married woman. I was ok with not going out with him anymore just because I’m sure if he is telling me this stupid excuse, there’s more stupidity coming after.

We obviously stopped talking but I happen to run into him at a club. I tried to avoid him but I had to walk by him at one point. He tried to hug me and I gave him a handshake. We talked for a few minutes and I moved along. Couple months later, he hit me up again. By that time, I was divorced. I told him about it and he suggested we meet up. Initially, I agreed but later I texted him back saying that I didn’t think it would happen. He had his chance and the way he phrase it as it being “illegal” was very stupid.

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