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I feel like the other woman… but I’m not.

Alright, this is quite complicated. I don’t know why I feel like I am the other woman when I’m definitely not. I can’t understand why I feel this way with a friend. Long time friend.

I’ve known thus guy since I was 15 yrs old. Our friendship has surpassed distance, girlfriends, years of not talking and I can go on. When we do talk, we tell each other about what we are doing in our life, our dreams and goals and occasionally we fight about politics and such. Pretty normal, right? Well, you would think so. In reality it’s not.

Him and I have a non conventional friendship, if I were to classify it. Usually, friends hang out, talk on the phone at any given time and meet the people that are important on each other lives. Well… we don’t.

I was married for almost 10 years and my ex knew of him, but refused to meet him. I don’t regret that, since it doesn’t matter anymore. He was also in a long term relationship and guess what? I never met her. I tried to, but it never happened.

Now he is in a relationship… and I have not met her yet! Not only that, but I feel like I have to be careful on how and when I communicate with him. Why?!

I know she knows about me and obviously I know of her but I do not understand why I can’t have cordial relationship with her.

I am not sure if it is my friend preventing this, but I don’t like this feeling. Hopefully he reads this because it’s hard for me to articulate this conversation properly without arguing with him or listening to his million excuses on why he is doing it and getting mad.

If it’s her choice, well I wouldn’t understand valid reasons. First of all, I met him first. Although he has been known for putting out friendship in standby at his partner request. As bad as this sounds, this actually makes me feel great. It skyrockets my already high confidence level if somebody considers me as a potential threat for their relationship. Second, I live thousands of miles away and will NOT try anything with him. Trust me, it would never happen. We will literally kill each other! Third, I don’t know what she knows about me but I love him as a friend, and only that. We are both smart and love to have philosophical and opinionated conversations that usually last for hours. If she knew our “hangouts”… We are the nerdiest people alive. But we are also very similar in what we like to do. I wish I could get to travel with him. It would be a blast.

Right now, I will limit my contact with him. I’m older now and will not impose myself even knowing how meaningful it’s to have him in my life. I am sure he values my friendship enough to keep in touch but not as much as I would like. Or maybe he should start having adult relationships.

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