[Written around Holidays 2018]
After reading an Instagram post from @glamzilla last week, on what gift you always wanted but never got I immediately commented: Legos.
Why I never got them for Christmas? That’s a very good question… and the reason for this post. I’ve been thinking about it a lot because I had literally everything I wanted. Why wouldn’t my parents buy me Legos?
Growing up in a Hispanic family, there are several cultural factors that influence greatly on what you say, do or ask for. Truth is: not a lot of things are gender neutral. I wouldn’t say I was totally raised this way specifically by my parents, but I was expected to like and do certain things because I’m a female. And not like things that are attributed to males. I wasn’t exactly the typical girl. I loved puzzles and cars and hated dolls. Unfortunately, Legos were a toy directly attributed to males, or at least that’s what I thought.
I can’t determine why I never asked for it… was I too afraid to break stereotypes?
I had around 18 opportunities to get them, considering I lived at home until I was 22 (college housing doesn’t exactly counts since I went home every weekend, religiously). What was my excuse?
All I can come up with is: I always tried to live up to other people’s expectations of me. I assumed they would be dissapointed if I didn’t follow the plan people expected me to follow. When it failed I felt I had dissapointed everybody. Mostly my parents. It wasn’t until a recent conversation I had with them where they told me they were proud of me, that I realized I had a crazy idea of what they wanted me to become. I focused too much on following the path society had pushed people in. I tried to fit into that little perfect box. In reality I am a stronger force and I can’t be tamed. I was raised well enough to only strive to be the best I can be. Unfortunately, in my years of growing up, I kept some of my dreams to myself.
Because I want to.